Weight Loss
I have my theory as to why most solutions-based books or programs don't work. The first ones that come to mind are weight loss and relationships. If they did work, then we wouldn't have the second most obese nation in the world (second now to Mexico) and a 50% divorce rate.
I call it "The Theory of Threes".
The Theory of Threes means that there are three things that must happen for change to occur. They usually include 1) acknowledging that change will be beneficial; 2) understanding the root of the problem and 3) taking action to effectuate change.
For example, weight loss is a huge industry. There are numerous programs that "pitch" how easy it is to lose and keep off the weight. So why do most people fail? In my opinion, it is because one of the three theories is not addressed. Think about it. When someone goes to a weight loss program, they acknowledge their desire to lose weight and are motivated by the program to take action with encouragement and meal recommendations. But the one thing they don't address is the root of the problem, or the psychological reason for the overeating. Even if the person is temporarily successful at losing weight, at some point in the future the psychological root of the problem (overeating) will flame up and the client will be right back to where they started. In other words, the program doesn't deal with the emotional cause of the addiction.
With relationship or self-help books, they are very good at presenting scenarios where people can understand and relate to a problem (the root). And since they are reading the book, they have acknowledged that a change is necessary. The one thing that is missing in this situation is accountability. Whereas in the weight loss program, there is a counselor cheering the person to exercise and eat properly, in self-help one is left to being their own cheering section. Even if they go to a therapist, most of the time is focused on the root, not action. From my experience, even the slightest amount of change can result in huge benefits in a relationship. Showing one's wife that she is loved will open the channels of communication and facilitate other change.
In many marriage-relationship books strongly addressed is the root of marital problems and the desire to change. Also addressed is often accountability. Action plans for readers are provided to create new habits, measure success and improve their marriage... literally overnight. This is also the approach when men or couples are counseled by many professionals.
One day a work colleague of mine was talking to his cousin, a doctor, who told him that his marriage was on the rocks. He was upset about the situation but didn't know what to do. He knew there was a problem and acknowledged that he needed to make some changes to make things better. But he was frozen on a solution. So my colleague started to read random items from a post he saw called something like "100 Ways to a Sexier Marriage". His cousin replied, "well those sound so easy and simple". To which my friend replied, exactly! But these are the things you need to do to reactivate love in the marriage.
So the cousin took action and a few days later called my friend saying that his wife loved his special treatment. It made them feel much closer to each other and reactivated the feelings of love towards each other. Her positive reaction even resulted in her husband signing up to take dance classes with her, something which he shunned in the past due to their combative relationship.
I am not professing that this approach contributes positively to all marriages. Some may be destined for failure and some may have deep psychological issues, like abusive behavior or addiction problems (ie drugs or alcohol). But for many marriages, they are just in a rut and need solutions to awaken communication and intimacy. The couple that cares about each other is better suited to address and resolve problems than the couple that fights.
~ Steve
Steve Schloss is the author of "The Man's Secret to a Happy and Sexy Marriage in Less Than 10 Minutes a Day". He is an author, public speaker and men's relationship acceleration coach. His book is available on Amazon.com at: http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Secret-Happy-Marriage-Minutes/dp/0615793827/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371589483&sr=1-2&keywords=steve+schloss. Buy a copy and enjoy all the happy and sexy tips!
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